I imagine that I'm not the only one to feel this way. It's probably pretty common, even though it seems like such a dichotomy. To explain my feelings, first let me tell you about an experience from my mission. I served a mission in Santa Cruz, Bolivia for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
As a missionary, I was a confidante for many of the people I served. Everyone told us about their health concerns, financial struggles, relationship troubles and all of their problems in general. About half-way though my mission (I'd been out almost nine months) I served with the most amazing companion. Actually all of my companions were truly amazing, but this one was simply angelic. Hermana Perez was from Cochabamba, Bolivia. She'd grown up in poverty with an alcoholic father. Everyone had to leave the home whenever he drank (which was often), because he was violent when drunk. 
Hermana Perez grew up in these difficult circumstances. When she was thirteen years old, she saw some LDS missionaries on the street and talked to them. She listened to them and knew that their message was true. She wanted to be baptized. She asked her father for permission to attend church with them. He told her she could as long as she finished a long list of chores first. It reminded me on Cinderella's step-mother, because Hermana Perez had to get up at two o'clock in the morning to get everything done before church at 8:30 AM. Well, she did it. She continued to do that every single week until she left on her mission at age 21. What dedication to get up that early to work so that she could have permission to attend church!
While I was serving with her and listening constantly to people's trials, I began to question, "Why me?" Normally when people ask themselves this question, they do it in frustration with their hardships. Mine was quite the opposite. Never in my life had a been afraid that I was going to be beat up; Never had I gone to bed hungry unless I was fasting; Never had I been sick or hurt without access to medical care; I had never had an immediate family member die. I even knew that I would see my loved ones again after this life, so my agony wouldn't even have been quite as tragic. It seemed that everyone else's life was harder than mine. How is that fair?
I really struggled with the question, "How could a loving Heavenly Father give everyone else such difficult trials and yet bless me so greatly?" I talked a lot with Hermana Perez about it. She gave me some wonderful insight: God allows us to be in situations that will be best for our and other's growth. We talked about how Bolivia's poverty made them very receptive to accepting the truth of the Restored Gospel. Perhaps I didn't have a lot of trials in this stage of my life so that I would have the energy and ability to reach out to others. I wasn't sure of the reasons, but I threw myself whole-heartedly into serving others and found great joy in sharing the good news of the gospel.
Sometimes I still feel that same way now. I have such an angelic little baby and two cute little boys. I have a hard-working husband who has a good job, so that I can stay at home full-time. I have a testimony of the Gospel; I understand that I am a daughter of a loving Heaving Father. I know that Jesus Christ gave us the perfect example in life and then gave up that life to atone for our sins. Through the Gospel I recieve such comfort and joy. Sometimes I think, "Why me? How could a loving Heavenly Father give everyone else such difficult trials and yet bless me so greatly?" Sometimes I can't help but wonder: "Am I about to get cancer? Is Brad going to lose his job? Is one of my children going to die? Something horrible is going to happen to make all fair in the world.
Then, usually a few minutes later, I have two rascals fighting, a baby to feed, a messy house and a husband who won't be home until ten o'clock at night. Sometimes I feel like I run around cleaning up messes and getting after kids. At the end of the day my house is messier than before and I'm so discouraged at the poor behavior of my kids and the poor way I handled it. I have so much room for improvement.
I feel like much of my life is spent going back and forth between feeling so very fortunate and feeling so very overwhelmed.
As a missionary, I was a confidante for many of the people I served. Everyone told us about their health concerns, financial struggles, relationship troubles and all of their problems in general. About half-way though my mission (I'd been out almost nine months) I served with the most amazing companion. Actually all of my companions were truly amazing, but this one was simply angelic. Hermana Perez was from Cochabamba, Bolivia. She'd grown up in poverty with an alcoholic father. Everyone had to leave the home whenever he drank (which was often), because he was violent when drunk. 
Hermana Perez grew up in these difficult circumstances. When she was thirteen years old, she saw some LDS missionaries on the street and talked to them. She listened to them and knew that their message was true. She wanted to be baptized. She asked her father for permission to attend church with them. He told her she could as long as she finished a long list of chores first. It reminded me on Cinderella's step-mother, because Hermana Perez had to get up at two o'clock in the morning to get everything done before church at 8:30 AM. Well, she did it. She continued to do that every single week until she left on her mission at age 21. What dedication to get up that early to work so that she could have permission to attend church!While I was serving with her and listening constantly to people's trials, I began to question, "Why me?" Normally when people ask themselves this question, they do it in frustration with their hardships. Mine was quite the opposite. Never in my life had a been afraid that I was going to be beat up; Never had I gone to bed hungry unless I was fasting; Never had I been sick or hurt without access to medical care; I had never had an immediate family member die. I even knew that I would see my loved ones again after this life, so my agony wouldn't even have been quite as tragic. It seemed that everyone else's life was harder than mine. How is that fair?
I really struggled with the question, "How could a loving Heavenly Father give everyone else such difficult trials and yet bless me so greatly?" I talked a lot with Hermana Perez about it. She gave me some wonderful insight: God allows us to be in situations that will be best for our and other's growth. We talked about how Bolivia's poverty made them very receptive to accepting the truth of the Restored Gospel. Perhaps I didn't have a lot of trials in this stage of my life so that I would have the energy and ability to reach out to others. I wasn't sure of the reasons, but I threw myself whole-heartedly into serving others and found great joy in sharing the good news of the gospel.
Sometimes I still feel that same way now. I have such an angelic little baby and two cute little boys. I have a hard-working husband who has a good job, so that I can stay at home full-time. I have a testimony of the Gospel; I understand that I am a daughter of a loving Heaving Father. I know that Jesus Christ gave us the perfect example in life and then gave up that life to atone for our sins. Through the Gospel I recieve such comfort and joy. Sometimes I think, "Why me? How could a loving Heavenly Father give everyone else such difficult trials and yet bless me so greatly?" Sometimes I can't help but wonder: "Am I about to get cancer? Is Brad going to lose his job? Is one of my children going to die? Something horrible is going to happen to make all fair in the world. Then, usually a few minutes later, I have two rascals fighting, a baby to feed, a messy house and a husband who won't be home until ten o'clock at night. Sometimes I feel like I run around cleaning up messes and getting after kids. At the end of the day my house is messier than before and I'm so discouraged at the poor behavior of my kids and the poor way I handled it. I have so much room for improvement.
I feel like much of my life is spent going back and forth between feeling so very fortunate and feeling so very overwhelmed.
Does anyone else feel that way?
4 comments:
yes, everyday.
thanks for sharing.
Ditto. You are just handling way better than most! I think your spirit of gratitude goes a long way.
Great post.
Yes! I feel that way often.
I also feel sorry for myself often. I think service can help us see how blessed we are. Once when I was tutoring some very poor refugee boys they came to my house for the first time. I have never felt more ashamed of how richly I live. They were amazed at my home which often I feel embarrassed by depending on my company. These boys were amazed at a garage that opened with a garage door opener. They thought it was the coolest thing ever. I have never lived in a home without a garage door opener (until this year.) Sometimes we take for granted how lucky we are in so many ways.
Wow! What an amaizng post! You took the words right out of my mouth. I think about this constantly. They always tell us to expect trials and I think they do and will come. But I think we have to stop living our lives in "Whatifs" and waiting for something horrible to happen. We have faith in Jesus Christ and move forward in the faith, knowing that He will help us through the good and the bad. And honestly, maybe your trials won't be as intense as others: but that just means you are to be a GREATER servant in the hands of the Lord. Love you.
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